I will find strength in pain…

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. Its about learning to dance in the rain...

Depression is a mental health disorder. Specifically, it is a mood disorder characterized by persistently low mood in which there is a feeling of sadness and loss of interest.

Once you stop believing in a better tomorrow, you’re in trouble. Mood Swaying is the proof that I have always rebounded from depression. “On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good.”

From the outside it may look like malingering, bad temper and ugly behavior – and who can empathize with such unattractive traits? Depression is actually much more complex, nuanced and dark than unhappiness – more like an implosion of self. In a serious state of depression, you become a sort of half-living ghost.

So how is this misleadingly named curse different from recognizable grief? For a start, it can produce symptoms similar to Alzheimer’s – forgetfulness, confusion and disorientation. “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all.”  If you have a symbol of hope — something that tells you that there is life beyond the pain you feel — plaster that symbol everywhere, so that when your eyes catch it, you say, with a sigh of relief, “Oh yeah.”

The past 29 years have seemed to just fly by with no regard to its speed or its passengers. I’ve learned so much… about life, about people, and about myself. After deciding between being clinical, motivational, observational, or blunt, I went with a combination of all… I went with the TRUTH as I see it. I learnt – “Destroy what Destroys you”.

Multiple factors place adults with hemophilia at risk for depression. Viewed from the outside – the wall of skin and the windows of eyes – everything remains familiar. Inside, there is a dark storm. Sometimes you may have the overwhelming desire to stand in the street and scream at the top of your voice, for no particular reason.

When I am well, which is most of the time; I am (I think) jocular, empathetic, curious, well-adjusted, open and friendly. 

 Sometimes Eyes says Everything

When I am depressed, the tendency is to withdraw and isolate. Even reaching out to close family members and friends gets tough.Women are 70 percent more likely to experience depression than men. Of course, depression and stress may not be related to the bleeding disorder at all. There are positive things about depression, I suppose. It has helped give me a career (without suffering depression I would never have examined my life closely enough to become independent, outspoken).“STARZ can’t shine without DARKNESS – Don’t let anyone ever dull your SPARKLE”.

And above all, depression, in nearly all cases, sooner or later lifts, and you become “NORMAL” again. Not that anyone but you will necessarily notice. Others’ experiences can provide a lot of hope and support, everyone is different, and each person recovers in his or her own way. “MIRACLE” or “INSTANT” cures will not take the place of a good treatment plan.   Life has a way of answering questions you didn’t even ask. When we internalize these answers, we give them a polished new name, “WISDOM”.

But on the whole it’s a horror, and it’s real, and it deserves sympathy and help. However, in the world we live in, that remains easier to say than do. We don’t understand depression partly because it’s hard to imagine – but also, perhaps, because we don’t want to understand it.

So Remember – “Sadness is always temporary – and one can find STRENGTH in PAIN”